A Broken Heart Filled With Power

I feel like I haven't written on this blog in a really long time! But this morning that blogging-bug hit me and there's no stopping me now! ;)

I'm going to start with some honesty: I've been worrying over our fundraising for the last couple of months.
At the end of August I started my first semester of college. Not only is it my first semester, but I'm taking 18 credits, while balancing a treatment schedule for Chronic Migraine (to those who are new to us, or don't know us personally, this is not a new thing. Its something I've battled for nearly four years and I've been receiving routine IV treatments for the last two.)

Some weeks, the balancing act goes off without a hitch; others, I feel every single one of those 18 credits and ask myself what kind of mess I've gotten myself into! Midterms were last week so this weekend was pretty much the first time I've truly come up for air in the last 8 or 9 weeks.

I'm loving it though. I stayed local (which was always my plan), so I am able to live at home. The campus is beautiful and the quickly changing leaves are making it even more so (have I ever told you guys how much I adore the fall?). I could write an entire blog post about my school and the ways I'm falling in love with it, but I will save you all from that and just say that this college, with its heart for service, love for Christ, and its amazing sense of community, is exactly where I feel I should be. God led me to this place for a reason. Countless times during these first few weeks I have uttered the question "do I really get to go to this school?"

I hardly feel like I've had time to breathe, sleep, or talk to people that don't go to Warner Pacific, work at the medical facility where I receive treatment, or live in my house, and in addition to it all, Guardian Angels is still fundraising! The four of us put together an auction, and the Portland girls attempted to hold a local fundraiser.

With my schedule, and Amanda and Madison's schedules (they are insanely busy as well! I couldn't do their schedules justice if I tried. Maybe they'll do that for you someday!), we could literally only find one Friday in September and October would work. Unfortunately, what worked for us, didn't work for others, and we had to cancel.

We haven't had a ton of bids on our auction, and with the combination of the two, I've been worrying. What if this auction goes nowhere? What if this is an indication of how the next couple of months will go? What if I'm stuck with all of these auction items that people have so graciously donated? What if, what if, what if.

Its funny, because these aren't new concerns (I'm sure the other girls would agree). When you do a fundraiser of any kind, you worry that it will fail. But with all the other craziness, the stress, and maybe a tad of sleep deprivation, its been on my mind a lot.

This morning during chapel (held every Tuesday and Thursday morning), the conversation was focused on hunger, but more specifically, that we should feel called to do something about it. The service itself was great. It was filled with great music (as always) and powerful images/demonstrations.

But, the message is what really caught my attention.

It was given by a guest speaker, and to be honest I didn't catch his name because I was too focused on what he said after his introduction. He was saying exactly what I needed to hear. Although it wasn't a new concept, he was preaching about how we as believers need to accept this world's problems as our own. We don't get to look away, we don't get to ignore them, we don't get to say a quick prayer for the needy and then move on to praying that we never find ourselves in their situation.

And it reminded me why the four of us do what we do. We don't do it because we want a million Facebook followers (although that might be kind of cool!), or so we can write about our service work when writing college essays. We do it because we are called to the widows and the orphans. Because we see photos of orphans wasting away in orphanages and institutions, realize that something should be done, then do what we can.

"We may have to be uncomfortable to be effective," the guest speaker said. Amen to that. Uncomfortable may be the way to describe these last few weeks. I've felt stretched a little thin, I've felt tired, and I've felt like maybe I've taken on more than I can handle.

But then I look into the faces of these children that we've come to love, I find myself caught up in the joy that approved adoptions bring, and see children come home to their forever families and I fall in love with what we do all over again.

I love these fundraisers no matter how small, and I love the events we hold no matter how difficult it is to find a date to hold them on. I love the families we get to meet and the pictures we get to see. I love these girls that I work with more than I could ever tell you, and I love the followers that we've accumulated overtime. I love our mission, I love these orphans, I love Reece's Rainbow, and I love the community that surrounds it.

The guest speak closed with a prayer, and he said "break our hearts and fill them with power."

God continues to break my heart for these precious children who know nothing but the four walls of their orphanages, and now I guess I'm just praying that he'll continue to fill that broken heart with the power to do something about it.

With love,
Caitlin